Hold out your two fists and stick them together. That is the size of your brain. If you have a small pair of fists, you have a small brain and vice versa. However, if you are intelligent and has common sense in whatever you do, you will be fine. This does not apply to all people that you come across. I met a lot of them. Some of them from my university days and some else where.
1. Shitty roommate
I still remembered my uni's apartment always had water shortage. Me and Fam had the same experience unable to flush our chocolate cakes so we agreed not to use the toilet for making cakes on the next water shortage. As a result, we had to go to the uni's sport stadium to do washing and do our necessary dump. The apartment that we lived in was just us until one faitful day, one big burly Indian student moved in with us. He was as mysterious as any Hardy boys mystery novel. He came in and out only at night. So he hardly touch the toilet. One fine day, we had another water shortage again. So we told that Indian guy not to use the toilet to make cake else we all will have a hard time, real hardtime, clearing the hardened chocolate cake the next morning. Hell, water shortage would last at least a day. For our gratitude, he took a dump so hard and big before leaving that night and it stanks the whole morning till afternoon. So he left and never came back. For the whole morning, Fam and me was deciding who would be doing the cleaning...
2. Ciggy shitty roommate
Fam, Abeer and me had rented a double storey near our uni and each of us took a small room. Leaving one master room vacant for the next occupant. As we waited for each day for a new occupant, Abeer and me would take turns to clean up that master bedroom. It was quite big and we turned it into our second living room. For the living room downstairs, we left it for Fam. One day, the owner found us a new occupant. An old Ah Pek who smoke hopelessly from the time he steps into it. He would leave early in the morning and came back late at night. This goes on until we were about to graduate. He left two months earlier than us so it was not a big issue for us to pay the remaining rental. We could make use of that master bedroom for ourselves. Abeer, Fam and me were thinking of a small party or something interesting. That very morning after that Ah Pek moved out, Abeer decided to clean it. The first thing he wanted to do was checking and cleaning the toilet. Suddenly, he screamed like his mom forgot to give him his roti canai and mutton curry. Fam and me ran up to see what was going on. He came out and told us to check out the toilet. Before we step in, there was very strong stench coming out from the toilet. Fam and I pinched our nose closed and walked in. We found the toilet bowl jammed and fill to the brim of cigarette butts. It was stuffed and over the long 5 months of renting to the old man, he did not clean it but just topped it up with layers of cigarette butts and cigarette ashes. At least, I told Abeer who wanted to clean the toilet, that it is not chocolate cake.
Abeer : Fark, that old fart...
Me : You should be happy its' not chocolate brownies...
Fam : Hahahahaha... one of us better clean it up else the owner ask us to pay for a new toilet bowl.
Me : Well, macha... you are the one who wanted to clean it... Fam and me love you very much... here's the mop and gloves...
Abeer : -______________-"
3. Full mouth chomping food student
There's this engineering student, a junior, I think, who wandered around carried his book in a small bag and he would walk along the hall sulking like everyone owed him a good deal of money. He would stare hard at girls. Somehow i got that feeling he likes to do things for girls. Saw how he always volunteered to carry books for girls. One day, Abeer and me gossipped about him.
Abeer : That guy, people say he will sit at one corner in the apartment holding a knife every night.
Me : Serious?!
Abeer : Yup. Dead serious...
Me : He's mental?
Abeer : No idea...
The other time, I was having lunch with a friend at the college of engineering's canteen. He was there picking up a lot of vegetables and chicken on top of his rice. His rice was as high as a mountain. First thing on my mind about him probably he did not had his breakfast and very hungry so the size of his rice on his plate made sense. We ignored him but Mabel couldn't leave her eyes off him:
Mabel : Woah... Look at that guy William! He push all his rice into his mouth!
Me : Shit...
Mental guy : ** Keeps stuffing rice into his mouth until full and look like a gold fish **
Me : Wow...
Mabel : I heard he is going after a girl in the civil engineering... ewww...
Me : I heard he holds a knife in his apartment every night...
Mabel : 8O
4. Those troubled boyfriends
Firsthand information, I did try to go after a few girls back then in university though not succesful. Not successful not because I rushed into things but some hopeless guys who thinks I am competing with them. I will always give up in this kind of situation before I even make my move. These two girls, were exactly what had happen to me, had some admirers going after them and I know my chances fighting with these dimwits will be a loss. However, I had an edge over them that is helping them in their final year project. Luckily I was paid for helping these girls. My relationship with them was purely projects. So these admirers always had the tireless effort to question me and challenge me for helping their targets. So i just told them i was merely helping them.
Situation (Girl A) at the computer lab,
Electrical student : You sure your program for (Girl A) will work?... looks pretty bad... aiya I always visit her, she could have tell me mar... ** mumbling mumbling **
Me : oh really... then you do it for them... and here's her requirement for her IT project... go ahead..
After one week, Girl A called me up over the phone and started to get emotional with the project that I am supposed to do for her:
Girl A : William! why you give my requirement to (EE Guy)? You are suppose to do it for me... he doesn't know how to do... my due date is coming!!!
Me : Your boypren doubt my capability so I give your requirement to him... you don't have to pay me...
Girl A : I come see you this afternoon... and you do it...
Me : You sure ar? what if your boypren come kaypoh kaypoh over it...
Girl A : eh, first thing, he is not my boypren ok?!
Me : wah ok lar... how do i know wor... he said he always come see you... somemore condemn me...
Girl A : ** mumbling mumbling something in mandarin **
Me : ok ok... as long as I can still get pay... I will continue...
Girl A : ok ok thank you...
Situation (Girl B) at the water filler,
In another situation, i told myself, I will only accept projects from ladies who had boyfriends at the same time. Of course there was another which was really memorable and that was another story. Coming back to here in another situation, there's another project for a girl with another guy still courting her. It happen at the water filler.
Civil Engineering student : Heard from (Girl B) you are doing a project for her, right?
Me : Yeah.
CE student : she's my girlfriend.
Me : Ok...
CE jerk : Are you finishing with it?
Me : No... she will need to see me more until her project is finish...
CE jerk : ** felt uncomfortable from the look of his damn face ** ok...
Me : ** So I stood there waiting for him to go away from the water filler so i can fill up my bottle **...
CE jerk : ok... ** finally, he reluctantly moved away as I'd wished **
So, at the next meeting with girl B, i decided to check out that CE dickhead who had the notion to interrupt me filling up my water bottle. These kind of guys is starting to really get on my nerve:
Me : Wah your boypren very good hor... check your project. He do IT ar? You should let him do mar...
Girl B : Where got ar? Which boypren? No boypren lar...
Me : Neh... the one with the crew cut wear specs and drive a Wira (as I happened to notice that)...
Girl B : He ar... no lar... just frens only... ** looked disturb **
Me : Sure or not... all girls say like that wan... dun worry lar... i will still do your project... you pay me mar... not my concern wor...
Girl B : ** Blush ** blush ** no lar... he's not my boypren... serious...
Me : But he sure serious when I tell him you be seeing me until your lecturer approves your project...
Girl B : Aiya... dun worry about him... he's like that... very bising...
Me : You sure ar... nanti he get jeles and take over your project... I will delete everything... I don't share share coding, especially with projects, ok?
Girl B : No lar no lar... why would he do that leh... not my boypren also...
Me : ok lar... if i do this project for you... I will charge you RMXXX... you ok ar?
Girl B : can can, no problem... you sure this is what you want to charge me...
Me : otherwise... how? I charge you expensive, you kenot pay... you and I still student... so kira helping you lar... good or not...
Girl B : Can... its not just that... you sure got so much time can help me do project ar? What about your own final year project?!?
Me : My project, you don't worry... as long as you pay... I will find time to do for you...
Girl B : ok lor...
After a while of discussion, we took a break and had a small talk for an hour.
Girl B : You can really do all these kind of things... I'm envious...
Me : VB... is just simple... there are like C++ and JAVA out there which is even more complex... I assured you... your project doesn't need something as complex as that...
Girl B : You don't have girlpren meh...
Me : Look at me... student no money, ride a Kriss 2.... which girl wants a boypren with bike lar...
Girl B : Sure you just want pay only... i know some girls willing to pay with that too...
Me : what's that??
Girl B : that lar...
Me : That what lar???
Girl B : Sex lar... you idiot...
Me : No. I just want money. (Sorry lar... i don't trade my coding for sex)
Girl B : ** nodded her head **
So we continued back our discussion and I finished her project as promised. She was so happy that she was able to graduate and that very day I got my payment she treated me to a big dinner. So that was it. As for the previous girl, that guy never became her boyfriend. After all, those guys back then will never understood me that I was seriously got paid to do projects for their admirers. No hanky panky at all... they are just my client.
Here's an example when an ex-admirer of one of my client bumped into me:
confused guy : today graduation... you didn't buy flowers for her ar?
me : no lar... for what? not my girlfriend... you should mar...
confused guy : not my girlfriend... didn't work out... ** sheepishly **
me : oh... i see... ** I wished I was laughing out loud at him **
confused guy : but you'd helped her did her project, final year sumore...
me : hahaha... ** sorry dude I can't tell you that she paid me to do her project **
Then even until the day after I got married, another ex-admirer of my client:
dumbass : long time no see... how are you?
me : oh fine... who are you?
dumbass : Neh.. I am (girl XXX)'s friend, who you did project for her... remember?
me : oh... you...
dumbass : yes... me... how's she?
me : how's she?! how do i know... you her boypren wot...
dumbass : no lar...
me : oh i see...
dumbass : you still seeing her?
me : no lar... I married already...
ex-admirer : wow.. you married her... cool!
me : sorry nope, not her... I don't get involved with my client... I married someone else...
ex-admirer : har... what client?... you married who?!?!
me : someone NOT from uni... neither from my own IT college...
ex-admirer : but..but.. you did her final year project wor...
me : you seriously think i did her final year project and I'm going after her?
ex-admirer : yeah lar... abuthen... final year project wor...
me : hahahaha... ** I wish I could tell you that she paid me to do her project **
william wilstroth... girls, idiots, screw ups, toilets...
