Chai Nis KL drivers farkers...!!!

One veli good morning and after a veli satisfying blekfask, Mrs. William and Mr William decided to go down to Kay El to shopping because Mrs. William's hands is itchy and want to spend some money. So, Mr William being the obedient and good husband also bring her to Kay El lor. On the way, in one traffic light before exiting to North South Highway, Mr William met a so hai Kay El driver...



Traffic light turn green,



Mr William : ** start to accelerate **
A so hai driver : ** honk honk **..

.

Mr William : Tiu! Kenot wait meh... kanineh...
A so hai driver : ** honk honk **...



Mr William : Tiu! Wanna go reborn is it? ** and waves WTF **
A so hai driver : ** shove his middle finger **...



Mr William : Farker... see lar... memalu kan bangsa saja... Chinese some more...
A so hai Kay EL Chinese driver : ** sped off **



Mr William : See lar... this is the bad driving attitude of Kay EL Chinese driver... think they so 9 lanci driving a lanciao Potong Aeroback with Kay El number plate... bei 9 tiu lar... kanineh...
Mrs William : Yeah lor...



Mr William : I tell you ar... these Chinese farker they think they from Kay El and go to Penang and Ipoh act lansi on the road... damn ngong 9 wan... tiu! driving a pariah Proton Aeloback like driving a gold car... tiu! where you wanna go... Ipoh so small and Penang lagi small... like hurry back to tau toi... tiu lei lar Chinese KL drivers... Chinese KL drivers think they damn 9 smart in other states... why dun you fei over other cars... knn... these Chinese New Year also let othe people chau... if I got gun i will shoot them on the spot...
Mrs. William : Yeah lor...



Mr William : I tell you ar... some Chinese bugger on the road... especially those from Kay El... if see them accident on the road... um sai hor lin...



fark you lar... chinese kay el drivers!!!

william wilstroth... kanineh... fly over me lar... so hai!

Twisted Thoughts : The Bai - Part 2

Editor Notes: Last Bai our man walked out his dog Ah Kau to its kennel becoz he was barking like a sohai... so here's the last part.

When Bai has dressed up and gotten ready to sleep he took the old Ah Pek's watch together to his bed. He admired the beautiful watch. "Why kenot fix this blardy watch at midnight leh?", he scratch his balding head. "Kanineh... i fix tomorrow lor", so he look the front and back of the watch. Then he saw some wordings at written at the back of the watch. He look closely and it was a question.

"Do you feel lonely at night?"

Odd he thought as such watch to have such an inscription. He laughed himself off but the question was very intriguing. So he toiled with the question and he answered, 'Yes'. Nothing happened so he went to bed.

That night, he dreamt of many beautiful ladies. There were at least 10 beautiful girls, very beautiful girls, and all of them pampered him like a king. Two beautiful ladies feed him ice-cream. There were chocolate ice-cream, vanilla ice-cream, strawberry ice-cream. But the best of all, they gave him one very hot and warmth ice-cream he never felt so good in his life. Three beautiful ladies massaged him. The best ever massage that he ever felt so good in his life. Two beautiful ladies was massaged by him. Also the best ever feeling he ever felt so good in his life. The last three dance in front of him. The best graphically charged danced he ever felt so satisfied watching in his life. That was his best dream that he ever had in his entire life.

That morning when he woke up, he was naked and he felt the early morning chillness. He quickly wrapped himself with his blanket. "Why am I naked?", he asked. Then he saw his house was in a big mess. Ice-cream stained bowls and spoons strewn all over the place. Ah Gau was licking it. "Who had ice-cream last night?", he asked. Then there were lubricants all over his place too. "Who used so much lubricant last night?", he asked. Then it struck him, "Oh god, no, it couldn't be me, it was a dream!". He went for the watch. He looked at the back but there was no question at all. "Strange, i saw a question there but its gone now", he shook his head with disbelief. He cleaned his house and went to work.

The question had dissappeared and no longer visible in the daytime. Unfortunately, it has history of bad luck that befell onto unsuspecting repairers who even looked at the watch at midnight. Once you answered the watch, it will change a string of events so that you will be forced to answer its three questions for three nights. Only if those who started it survived the last question. The old Ah Pek had missed one warning that is not to even look at the watch at midnight other than just repairing it.

That morning at the workshop, Ah Bai felt so restless and had not the even a single energy to fix any watches. His customer noticed it too and adviced him to go home to rest. Finally, he just closed his shop and headed home. He didn't feel like doing anything at all. Ah Gau just sat beside him and at times looked at his owner why he looked so tired. That very midnight came, Ah Bai suddenly felt the urge to go to bed. As though his mind and body was not in his control. His hand instantly reach for the watch. He turned the watch and there was a question.

"Do you want to feel young?"

He felt so much older lately. Reciding hair line and getting bald too. Had not found someone special to share his life and time was running faster each day. He was just too busy in work and had not even taken time to find his soulmate. So this he answer, "Of course, I wish I was young again". That he felt asleep and fell into another good dream.

In that dream, he was very slim. As slim as his good neighbour Ah Lim. He was strong too. As strong as his neighbour Ah Kong's horse carriage. He had his full hairy hair back. His chest was hairy and he had a very long long side burn that will even make his business rival, Ah Fei, filled with jealousy. One more thing, he could see further without using his spectacles specially made by the eye glass maker. So his had a sharp eyes and can see further than before. He was so happy that he spent hours looking at himself in front of the mirror. "Oh, Look! I got washboard abs!", he was overjoyed. "I must let them see me!", he looked for his best clothing from his drawer but none was fitting for his size. "Ah, nevermind", an evil thought came to his mind, "I SHALL walk naked to work today!" He strolled off to work. He open his house door. He felt anew with the sun shining brightly at his face. He was filled with confidence.

The ladies were filled with awed and looked at him admiringly. One of them even bash an eyelid at him. Then one old lady came out running and hit him, "Evil! Evil!". He quickly ran for covered. Finally he reach his shop and managed to get away from the old lady. He tripped and fell and knock unconscious. He felled into deep sleep. In his dream he felt unconscious. Finally he woke up to really found himself naked again. This time around, he woke up in his workshop. He was too shock to acknowledged it. "Oh my god, I am really at the workshop", he felt pain all over his body. "Why am i feeling all this pain?", he asked. Suddenly, he no longer see his own body as his original body. He had a total makeover. He ran to the nearest mirror. "Oh my god! This couldn't had happen? The watch. It must be the watch!"

He ran back naked to his house but a lot of girls were laughing at him. Unfortunately, no one knew he was Ah Bai. One of the girls even said hello to him. He must be damn good looking without clothing on his body. He felt stimulated and simulated in his new found enviroment. Then the old lady in his dream appear again. This time she brought a few policemen and gave chased to the running indecent man. Ah Bai ran so fast never his life. He sprint like a Jaguar. He felt good running and managed to escaped the group. He entered into his house hastily.

That instance he felt he did not want to do anything and sat on the chair. The day went by and night comes by again. He instantly felt the need to sleep and his hand again made for the watch. The last question had etched onto the back of the watch.

"What do you want to be?"

He gave thought that night. A serious thinking of what he really wanted with his life now. He has became young again. Young ladies adore him except if he should not ran around naked during the day. He will need to buy newer and branded clothing. Maybe a strong horse carriage, stronger than his neighbour Ah Kong. Maybe he would go to the best hair barber to trim his side burn. More stylish than his rival Ah Fei. He chuckled as he thinks of the things that he wanted to do. Suddenly Ah Gau gave a very loud bark and barking incessantly without stopping. He kept on thinking what he wanted to be. But Ah Gau was not stopping at all. He could not bare it anymore.

"Shit! Ah Gau will you just stop barking!... " Only then he realise what he had uttered the first word, "oh shit... "

He fell asleep that instant. Oh shit...

The End

williamwilstroth... oh shit... the end

New Year Eve 2009

A simple NEW YEAR 2009 Eve in Kuala Lumpur. The co-author did nothing special on that particular day but attended a Steamboat organized by a senior colleague in his working place.



Requirement to attend: Bring at most 2 different dishes for steamboat/pax.





So, the co-author arrived with fish balls and tofu (Tofu-pok). Below was the scenario at the house. Cosy, comfortable, nice and at least 12 people attended. Mostly those who attended were colleagues and partners.



The living hall where everyone waited anticipately for the steamboat to be ready.







The steamboat almost ready where everyone exchanges school of thoughts from anywhere around the world. Jokes, humour and fun.

Ar, here were the steamboat table with full of delicacy no one can imagine. Yes, no one can imagine because those were something 'un-describe-able' edible food. Anyhow, believe me it was quite full, delicious and tasty.

Welcome 2009!

Everyone done and relaxing for the time to pass. It's a merry 2009. Now, the host would be busy. (Evil laugh!) He! He! He! Cleaning time!

Hmm, what's my horoscope said? One of my colleague asked.

"Well, you are having a prosperous year ahead. Enjoy and Relax!" Typical answer.

Ah, the beautiful ones were relaxing and watching the "LIVE" concert on 32" LCD television. Envy because mine is only 16" CRT Television. Don't believe? I'll tell you more later.

The 'lots and the fun' begins with 'beer and cards' all along with the folks.

The end of 2008. Goodbye 2008 and fare thee well!

Future Scenario : Pa, I am dating...

Editor's note : it has been a very long time since I have stop doing Future Scenario episodes. Future Scenario can still be found in Is Sky The Limit : Episode 3 blog. I am continuing it back in this new blog. Today's scenario is my future daughter going out on a date. Enjoy!

One fine evening after dinner, and coincidentally Uncle Bai joined my family, because his wife kick... (long story, nevermind about him), my 18 year daughter told me she was going out for a date.

Daughter : Pa, I am going out on a date...

Me : Who is this cute guy you are going out with?

Uncle Bai : Does his name has to do with anything G?

Daughter : G? ... * think think * ... no no... no G at all...

Me : ok ok... hold on... ignore Uncle Bai... ask him to see me first...

Daughter : huh... ok...

After 15 mins, the boy reached our house and came to see me as instructed...

Boy : Uncle you wanted to see me?

Me : Yes, how's your studies?

** I look up and down... this boy like one fuck ah beng who play play with girls only... Hair golden long, wear slipar, broken jeans, wear singlet with tattoos all over... KNN... **

Boy : Err... good lar...

Me : How many As you got?

Boy : Err... a lot...

Me : How many?

Boy : Err... 5...

Me : You don't sound confidence with your results, do you? Bring me your report card then only you can bring my daughter out...

Boy : But.. but... but...

Me : You want to date my daughter or not? quick fai fai get it...

Boy drove home and back with his report card...

Me : *** Browse through his report card *** You said you got lots of A... what's all this C, E, and Fs... you are trying to play play with Uncle ar... You think Uncle not edu-gay-ted is it... I am a STC, you know... tell me... what's all this C, E and F... Engrish also F... you want me to tui 9 lei iszit?

Boy : err.. err... C - Confirm Pass, E - Ek-cerrent and F - Frying Kalers...

Me : KNNCCB... fuck! You are really one jackass... You need to get As for all these subjects... Do you know what is A standing for, boy?

Boy : No idea, uncle...

Me : A is for Ass'hole... Sorry to say you can only date my daughter if you are an Ass'hole student...

Boy : **Nod his head**... but can i just take her out tonight once... cause I bought tickets and book a table for supper...

Me : KNNCCB... what supper?! Just finish dinner... what are you trying to do? Go supper late late at night... wanna kena my daughter ar??!!??... letak something in the drink and food... then bring her to some hotel ar... boy, you listen here... that kind of trick boh use anymore...

Boy : No.. no... really just supper...

Me : Then what about movie... so see see movie then half way can 'mor mor' my daughter issit? Tell me which part you want to 'mor mor'?!?!?!

Boy : No... no... just see movie...

Me : Then go see movie for what?! KNN... young boys nowadays...

Uncle Bai : Hey chill out man... let the young fehlers go out and see the world lar...

Me : ok lar... young boy boy here go date your daughter and if do the same thing also... what do you feel?

Uncle Bai : As-long-as-nothing-to-do-with-G...

Me : ok ok... but you boy... you are no Ass'hole student... pre-requisite not fulfill... go home...

Daughter : Pa... dun lar potong stim... I want to see movie also...

Me : Go find yourself an Ass'hole student first...

Boy : But uncle... uncle...

Me : Ok... i give you one last chance... where do you get money to buy movie tickets and pay for supper?

Boy : I ask from mommy...

Me : You sure your money from your mamee ar?... Boy, you go to college, university, find yourself a nice job, nice car and a nice house... then only come date my girl... go home now...

Boy : sob... sob...

Daughter : Pa I hate you...

Me : Fine, I don't like your boypren also...

Uncle Bai : girl girl nebermind... as-long-as-its-not-G... its fine...

Me : KNN... you and your G...

Daughter : Pa I hate you... Ma, can i go dating, pleeeasssseeee?

Mrs William : Can... please provide 2 potostat copies of his IC, driving lesen, parents mobile no, and 2 written emails of consent softcopy and hardcopy, wait for 2 working days for approval... Pre-requisite, your pa wants to see Ass'hole result... so ask that candidate to wait in queue or take a number... By the way, you sure your money is from your mader ar? Your dressing tells me you like stand by the loadside sell pirated DVD only... You conpirm your money is legit ar? Moreover, if application pass, I want MYR ONE POINT SEVEN as wedding dowry, and 50 wedding dinner tables each in Labuan, Sabah and Sarawak... oh, i forgot Ipoh also...

Uncle Bai and Me : Wah... Ka-Ni-Neh!!!

william wilstroth... boypren... date? can... please submit candidacy application form...

How's your life? ** An inspirational lyrics motivated by Ah Bai **

Today, this morning ah bai asked me how was my life so it inspired me to write a lyric for any song that you can think of and sing to it. So I dedicate this song to ah bai, abeer, jc, hisyam and the rest of the world. Here you are :

Every morning, I wake up I feel my luan is so itchy,

I shake and go piss everywhere and anywhere i like.

Then I go take a dump and give the worse smell,

So my wife will also wake up and go to work too.

However, I need to brush my teeth cleanly and spotless,

so I can give my best grin to the shit world.

Now I have to get dress so I look hot, if not presentable,

to the whole world and not exposed my big schlong.

Then I go to work to earn my bread and my honey,

Enjoy life and buy whatever shit I want for satisfaction.

Life like that is how I am living,

so how's your life... how's your life...

Oh baby... how's your life... do you feel what I feel...

Life like that is how I am living.

So come on scream, "Tiu Nia Sing!"

Everyday you see the newspaper and its all like shit,

wish it were porn you see every morning.

Yeah I do... I do...

so how's your life... how's your life...

Oh baby... how's your life... do you feel what I feel...

So come on scream, "Tiu Nia Sing!"

So come on scream, "Tiu Nia Sing!"

So come on scream, "Tiu Nia Sing!"

So come on scream, "Tiu Nia Sing!"

Life is a cibai... cibai... cibai... cibai... ** Song fades **

Hopefully, EMI or SONY will notice this and gives me millions of dollar to write lyrics so I can retire early.

williamwilstroth... life's a cibai... cibai... cibai...